Differentiating Planes
by Metal.Kirby
Summary: A dumping ground of fics in the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Universe. Expect things that you would normally expect from drabbles - random ideas, foul language, OOCness, genderswaps, minor hints towards -shipping, etc. Rated T for satirical humor.
1. A Proverb from Nagato

**Differentiating Planes ****- a**** dumping ground for Haruhi Suzumiya Fics**

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**_Disclaimer_**_ -__ DO NOT OWN (please don't sue)_

* * *

**A Proverb from Nagato**

"What!? Why!?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE SOS BRIGADE!!!"

* * *

My heartbeat dramatically increased from his insistent yelling. Having turned the corner (the word "turned" being used very loosely – I more or less ran as fast as my legs could take me), I felt safety as my back leaned against the wall. My mind instantly panicked when the thought came across my mind – not even a wall can protect me from his reach. I immediately rushed towards the clubroom, obeying Haruki's unreasonable orders.

Panting heavily, I entered the door. Nagato's gaze met mine for a split second before returning towards his book.

My body collapsed into a chair. I leaned on the table, face buried in my arms.

_Why the hell did you drag me into this Haruki? I never had any say in my membership… and yet you act like you own me. I'm not one of your little dolls, dammit!_

In all seriousness Haruki, you need to get your head checked out. Acting normal is acceptable since this is a NORMAL WORLD. I understand you find a normal world boring, but do you have to go to extremities? Considering the rather ridiculous requirements this newfound club has, don't you think it would be better off NOT forming a club?

* * *

All for your sake, Haruki… everything exists for your sake. Time travelers, espers, aliens, sliders… you name it. Why are you the special one?

More importantly, why don't you find out about it sooner?!

In the last 24 hours, I've just been attacked by one of those aforementioned aliens… and it turns out he was a classmate! And a pretty good looking one at th-… why am I thinking about this? Turn off those naughty thoughts brain, and comply with my current situation – complaining about Haruki. If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't have been in a life-threatening situation…

I can only guess that Itsuko was telling the truth about being an esper. With my luck, she'll probably show me evidence of her powers tomorrow.

Some unknown, supernatural force has got to take pity on me and do something… my sanity is at stake here! I'm on the verge of an existential breakdown…

I just noticed that I was sobbing uncontrollably at this point. The entire minute seemed to be much longer than that… with all the things running through my head, it could have been an hour, and I would have never noticed.

* * *

I wiped away the tears with the sleeve of my cardigan. I felt someone's hand touch my shoulder and looked back.

Nagato was standing behind me.

"Your meeting with him was a predetermined event."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"An emotional breakdown is not advisable…"

"And I suppose you're going to stop me? Just so I'm valuable to your observation?"

"No. Your emotional distress is impossible to 'stop' without the use of data augmentation. Something I am not authorized to do to you."

"That makes me feel loads better." I replied sarcastically.

"Suzumiya Haruki is the key to auto-evolution… "

"So where do I fall in all of this then?"

"My superiors have advised me to use statistical data in making decisions, but there exist flaws in relying on human statistics. Your connection with the subject is substantial enough."

"What?"

"An analogy to lessen your confusion; Suzumiya is the key, but _I believe _you are the gatekeeper."

He immediately returned to his seat without another word.

* * *

Taking in his words, they invoked a lasting effect. He surprised me… especially when he expressed his own beliefs. So he's not a drone of the Data Entity-whatever-it-is-thingy… but actually has human characteristics.

Moreover, he made me realize that I'm not the only one experiencing the pain Haruki deals with… the entire SOS Brigade, the time traveling faction behind Asahina-sempai, the Organization, and the Data Entity-thingy all share the pain too. Nagato's words seemed to have lightened the load.

* * *

_Are you sure you didn't manipulate data to stop me from crying Nagato?_

* * *

I nodded and said a word of thanks. He didn't respond.

After another moment of silence, I told Nagato that neither Haruki nor I would be showing up for club activities today. I also instructed Nagato to relay the message to Asahina-senpai and Itsuko as soon as they arrived, but I didn't know if the silent alien would even say anything (especially after his small speech), so, just to be safe, I took a felt pen and wrote on the back of one of the SOS Brigade flyers.

The bell rang as I stuck the flyer to the door. I ran back to the classroom, silently thanking Nagato for his help.

_I'll try and help in any way I can Nagato…_

_

* * *

**END FANFIC - START A/N:** WOOO!_

I found it strange that Kyon NEVER had any emotional distress in the novels… at least none that were blatantly obvious.

Seeing as genderswap universe has Kyon as a girl, the emotional problems would be more obvious, so I decided to create a mini-chapter of it. And while this was sort of influenced by the NagatoXKyon-shipping, I decided to make it very subtle… even though my writing has betrayed me on more than one occasion.

This occurs after the Asakura vs. Nagato fight, but before the taxi drive to the espers' Sealed Realities/Alternate Realities/Closed Spaces – immediately following Suzumiya screaming "YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE SOS BRIGADE!" . It also appears to fit canonically in the genderswap story…

I myself hate it when I hear someone else crying… so I hope I was able to keep Nagato's character intact while putting a self-reflection of myself in him as well. Expect more of these one-shots soon… they'll be frequently updated compared to Mirror Image.

Read, review, and comment!

**Metal Kirby -- o(^_^)O**

(Lol… I'm fluent in the fanfic language, and acting all professional. XD)


	2. A Change in Normal Routine

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya series... do not sue.

* * *

**A Change in Normal Routine**

_What kind of sad, demented person would turn me into a girl?_

I found myself asking that question after screaming at my bathroom mirror. My reflection shone a petite girl with a softer, rounder, female face complete with brown, shoulder-length hair and hazel eyes.

Crap… I'm a girl – wait…

Double-checking (quickly, I might add), I confirmed that I was indeed a female. While I thought I was pretty cute as well, I found myself thinking that I would just _die_ inside if I said that out loud.

Damn… I'm a girl.

_Dammit, this is a load of crap!_

* * *

After hyper ventilating and pacing for several minutes, I calmed myself down. My only answer pointed towards the one person that was the cause of all things (at least according to Koizumi) – Suzumiya Haruhi. That girl seriously needs to get her head looked at. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to take myself seriously now? I'm going to drive myself insane just trying to get dressed in the morning… and don't even get me started on my daily walk up that frickin' hill.

As soon as I find out the reason behind Haruhi's subconscious actions, I'll be happy. God **KNOWS** I'll be happy…

Making sure I didn't do anything perverted to myself (a single moment of awkwardness is enough for one day), I managed to get myself into my uniform (which has strangely/conveniently been turned into a seifuku) and headed towards school.

My daily trek up the mountain seemed to have taken longer, undoubtedly due to my change in pace. Even though I was attempting to reach the school faster, my lower center of gravity and now-changed body overwhelmed me.

When I see you Haruhi, I'm gonna-… ughhh!

_Calm down Kyo-… gahh! Okay I am not calling myself that right now!!!_

Instead of tiring myself out by frantically running up the hill, I reasoned that if I double my speed, I should make normal time, at the cost of more carbon dioxide being expelled from my lungs.

I'm sorry environment, but this matter is more important to me right now.

* * *

Finally reaching the school doors, I sighed and went to my shoe locker. Or, what used to be my shoe locker… I immediately stopped upon seeing someone else standing there.

Crap… I'm a girl now. Wrong section.

Retracing my steps, I went to a locker elsewhere and stole the shoes inside. I apologize, but as I said… I have more important things to attend to.

Peering through the doorway of the classroom, Haruhi was nowhere to be found. Giving a silent scream, I brushed my long hair out of my face and ran to the clubroom. Nagato sat in the corner quietly, as usual, reading her book.

"Nagato! Where's Haruhi?"

She looked up, and stared at me intently.

"…"

"Hello?"

"…"

"Do you even recognize me?"

She gave me a slight nod.

"Suzumiya Haruhi has formed the SOS Brigade, correct?"

She nodded again.

"… you're positive that you've recognize me."

She nodded again.

"You know it's me right? You know… Kyon?"

She just stared at me.

Nagato, I know you've done so many things to help me out in our activities, but right now is not the time to be recording this event in your internal event log. Please be direct, as you normally are… NOW!!!

She continued staring at me.

"… you are an organic lifeform meant to observe Suzumiya Haruhi, which the Data Integrated Thought Entity believes to be the key to auto-evolution, yes?"

Nagato's head moved slightly before she spoke.

"You know?"

"Yes… I know."

"…"

"You are not behind this, correct?"

She shook her head.

_Okay, so this isn't a reality rewrite like back in December… it's just a Kyon rewrite. And I'll punish myself for saying that stupid nickname later._

* * *

"Please… this is important!"

"…"

"Nagato!"

"… I cannot."

She turned back towards her book and resumed reading. I took a deep breath and spoke again.

"Nagato-san. Disregard the fact that I've turned into a girl and please tell me where Suzumiya Haruhi is."

"You are showing signs of mental instability."

"Are you kidding me? Of course I'm mentally unstable, I've just been turned into a girl!"

"…"

"Nagato… you are a data manipulating _goddess_, who has helped the SOS Brigade on more accounts than one. I can honestly say, you _are_ the _most reliable_ of us all. Now please tell me where Haruhi is."

"I do not have to reveal Suzumiya's location to you."

"What? Why not?"

"… she is already here."

"…"

"…"

"Huh?"

"The person I am currently conversing with_** is**_ Haruhi Suzumiya."

* * *

**A/N**: This probably going to be a springboard for another fic.

I wanted to confuse the hell out of readers with the title, and the completely immerse them in Kyon's POV. Then I threw an ending that I'm sure no one expected. I guess I'm the sad, demented person Kyon was talking about in the beginning then, huh?

Line breaks are now my greatest enemy...


	3. White Day

**White Day**

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**Disclaimer -**_ Don't own (me), don't sue (Nagaru, KyoAni)_

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When Haruhi said she was expecting a gift 10 times more extraordinary in repayment for the one we dug up on Valentine's Day, I thought nothing of it. Her egotistical, yakuza-like behavior can get shot in a drive-by for all I care.

Being honest with myself is a difficult task. I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice Haruhi's mood change in the course of the last year. As much as it pains me to say it, Haruhi doesn't quite deserve the (silent) slander that I give to her on a daily basis.

_Do I really care?_

Just kidding. I'd be six-feet underground if I didn't.

* * *

These topics however, were at the bottom of my list of concerns. My mind, caught up in the melodramatic moment, was focusing on the event 24 hours from this morning.

"Ah, so you too have no idea what you will be giving the others tomorrow?"

Itsuki magically appeared beside me as I trudged up the hill.

"How did you know?"

"So I was correct in assuming you haven't gotten anything?"

Really Itsuki? Do you want to get punched in the face?

"No, that's not necessary. But I'm surprised… I would have thought that you had planned it out accordingly instead of waiting until the last minute. You heard her threatening words, yes?"

"How am I supposed to get something that is of a larger magnitude than the chocolate cakes Haruhi made for us?"

"Yes… I suppose that's the predicament we're finding ourselves in."

Oh? So you haven't gotten a gift either?

"I'm afraid not. You would think I would have thought to get something, now that the Shinjin are appearing in lesser numbers… but alas, I have not the time to think of such a trivial matter."

"So just 'wing-it', huh?"

"Quite the contrary, actually… the only gift that Haruhi is expecting is from you. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I appeared empty-handed."

Right.

"You'd do best to hurry."

Don't remind me. I don't even want to think of what she might do to me if the gift is unsatisfactory.

"Best of luck… my superiors have called a meeting in a location closeby, so I will be departing from you thus far. See you in the clubroom."

"Later."

* * *

After meandering my way through the halls, I made my way into Okabe's classroom. Haruhi's bright face seemed to be the center of attention in all the students therein said classroom.

Her bright face grew 1,000 times brighter upon seeing my entry.

I made mental note to bash my head against the wall after class had ended.

* * *

"So?"

What do you want?

"What do you mean, 'what'?"

What do you mean by asking 'so'?

"Oh, _you know_ what I mean… so, do you have anything planned for tomorrow?"

"I might… what was tomorrow again?"

"Don't tell me you forgot about White Day?!"

Do you want me to lie or tell the truth?

"Idiot. Remember what I said? You better have something worth my interests tomorrow, or you'll get a penalty."

Must have slipped my mind… let me write that down or something.

"Hmph."

_Yeah. I'm pathetic, huh?_

_

* * *

_

The remainder of the day was spent with me attempting (and failing) to ignore Haruhi's actions. She had developed a system of poking me every three minutes, throwing crumpled pieces of paper at my head, and yelling at me during every break between periods.

Hearing the final bell, Haruhi dragged me out of the classroom by my collar and pulled me to the clubroom. Needless to say, I simply let her.

Upon arrival, Nagato was seen leaving the clubroom just as we turned the corner.

"Oh… Yuki-chan? You're leaving early?"

"I have come across urgent matters. Today's club activities will have to continue without my presence."

"Oh, I see… see you tomorrow at the station."

What could you be doing Nagato? Something with the Data Integrated Thought Entity?

Wait… since when did you let the other club members leave without prior notice?

"It's Yuki-chan! She's present every single day… it's only natural that as brigade leader, I let her attend to personal matters."

I'm present every day as well…

"You'd probably just take advantage of a free day and sit at home doing nothing."

Dammit… she hit the nail right on the head.

* * *

Haruhi's impatience was wearing thin on Itsuki, Asahina-san, and myself, most likely due to White Day.

Having been quite routine, I'll give a list to summarize today's activities:

_Arrival of Haruhi and myself._

_Nagato's departure._

_Koizumi's arrival, board game brought out for play._

_Asahina-san's arrival, Haruhi's revealment of new costume. Koizumi and myself exit room._

_Changing into costume complete._

_Asahina-san brews tea._

_Asahina-san and Koizumi both ask where Nagato is. I give a quick explanation._

_Haruhi mentions White Day, Asahina-san asks what I'm thinking of getting. Haruhi purposely pours (freshly brewed, hot) tea on my head._

_Yelling._

_Asahina-san cleans up mess._

_More yelling._

_Haruhi gives lecture of White Day. Moments of silence._

_Koizumi proposes that tomorrow, we meet elsewhere instead of in clubroom. Agreement in Haruhi's part._

_Arrangement of plans - meet at 9:30 AM at station, boys treat girls to coffee and head towards locations picked out. Mention of penalty._

_And finally, Haruhi's announcement that meeting is over, and she expects to be surprised tomorrow morning._

Our eventful day is intriguing, is it not?

The rest of the day played out as normal. I left the school, walked down the hill, arrived at home, plopped into bed, and fell asleep.

I don't care if I'm penalized tomorrow… I'm already a dead man for not getting her a gift.

* * *

The following morning, I awoke to the sound of my phone's ringtone. Already knowing who it was, I didn't pick up.

I quickly got dressed, grabbed my wallet, and headed for the station. No questions asked, no harm done.

Of course… harm will be inflicted at a later time, but that's beside the point.

"Late! Penalty!"

Koizumi and I are already treating you to coffee, so how are you supposed to penalize me?

"You'll be the sole person to treat us."

Aren't I always? Whatever…

* * *

After leaving the coffee shop, we decided to do our normal routine. Pick lots, scour the city, and "hope" to find something. We'll meet at lunch and then pick lots again a second time. And finishing off at the end of the day, Koizumi and I will take the other members to a location of our choosing.

At least I'll have time to think of a decent plan.

Haruhi held her hand out. I drew first, pulling an unmarked toothpick.

Asahina-san?

"S-sorry… mine is marked."

Koizumi?

"Mine too is marked."

Nagato?

She held out a marked toothpick.

Wait… I have to spend the morning with Haruhi?

"Have fun." Koizumi shouted back, the trio already walking away. Hey, get back here dammit! I don't wanna be paired with this lunatic!

"Who are you calling a lunatic?"

* * *

Ten seconds and five bruises later, we departed towards searching. Come to think of it, this was the second time Haruhi and I have scoured the city together, the first only being due to the absence of the others. So this is the first time lady luck is tormenting me?

Yay.

With no intention of actually searching, I nonchalantly followed Haruhi around for the remainder of the morning. Her searching method was quite bizarre – any time she saw something interesting, she would walk up and personally investigate.

Any interesting people were eventually deemed too "normal" for the SOS Brigade standards.

I did, however, get the delight of seeing Haruhi flustered. She practically stopped in the center of the road. Following her line of sight, I found her staring at a cell phone advertisement.

What could possibly be extraordinary about that? It looks normal to me… a picture of the newest phone model with a whole bunch of X's for a phone number and the name John Smith plastered across it.

Wait.

… _are you really that simple, Haruhi?_

I looked at Haruhi, whose gaze seemed to indicate that she was spacing out. Waving my hand in front of her face, she finally snapped out of it. Her face reddened as she spat an insult at me.

"What?"

"…"

"Stop idly staring at me like some idiot!"

I should cherish this moment. Such an event is rarer than Haley's Comet itself. Moreover, I should thank Haruhi for giving me a solution to my White Day repayment gift problem. I now know exactly where to go…

I believe this will impress you enough Haruhi. Don't let this idea be a false hope.

* * *

Lunch time (my penalty still in effect), came and went. We drew lots once more, with Asahina-san, Itsuki, and myself getting marked toothpicks.

While Haruhi was looking away, I quickly spoke with Nagato.

"Make sure she doesn't find anything suspicious. We'll come to your location then…"

"Understood."

* * *

"So, have you thought of what to get her yet?"

"Actually, I have… and I'm sure she'll be astonished with it too."

"I see."

Just then, Koizumi's phone rang. He quietly excused himself for a moment, and returned shortly.

"It appears that I will not be accompanying you for the remainder of the day. The Organization has requested another meeting, so please inform Suzumiya-san that I will not be present."

"Sure."

He departed quickly, leaving me and Asahina-san amidst a crowd in the streets of Japan.

"Erm… I'm gonna buy something, so you mind waiting?"

Asahina-san shook her head. I headed towards a store intent on buying chocolates. The store owner approached me as I picked up a box.

* * *

"Are you Kyon?"

"Uh... yeah, I am Kyon."

"You go to North High, right?"

"Yeah."

He handed me a plastic bag containing two boxes of chocolate and a card. I pocketed the card and reached for my wallet.

"That won't be necessary… it was already paid for."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. White Day gift, huh?"

"… um, yeah."

"The guy who paid for it… he said to give the card to a special girl. Say it's a gift from both him and you."

"Uh, thanks… I think?"

I exited the store confused, and returned to Asahina-san. We then spent the remaining time enjoying ourselves, visiting a local zoo.

* * *

Around 6:30 PM, Haruhi called my phone. Flipping it open, I brought the phone to my ear.

"Yuki-chan said she had to leave."

"I see… Koizumi also said he had some urgent matters to attend to."

"Mikuru-chan?"

"She's with me. Where are you now? We'll come and meet you."

"I'm nearby East Junior High."

"I see… we're not too far. Let's meet at the school gates then?"

"Alright. Make quick about it… it's getting dark."

Hanging up, I informed Asahina-san where we were headed. We found ourselves walking towards the park close to the school.

* * *

We made very good time, reaching the park in a manner of minutes. It was then I heard a small scream from behind me. I turned around to see Asahina-san had tripped.

"Are you alright Asahina-san?"

"Ah… my ankle."

"Ah, is it sprained?"

"I… um, it's not-… I-"

I helped her up to her feet, making sure she wouldn't fall. We moved towards a bench and I examined her leg. Though it was difficult to tell in the dark lighting, it didn't look too serious.

"Do you think you can walk?"

She nodded, standing up quickly. Taking no further than a step, she tripped once more.

"Asahina-san, are you okay?"

With a blush of embarrassment, she managed to nod.

I knelt down, my back facing her;

"You shouldn't put pressure on that foot…"

I knelt down. With my back facing towards her, I said;

"Haruhi's just up ahead… I can carry you the rest of the way."

"A-ano?"

"It's no big deal…"

"Erm… um- okay."

* * *

I proceeded to carry Asahina-san piggy-back style towards the school. A silhouette of a figure leaning against the school gates was barely visible. Familiarity echoed in the air as I shuffled my way towards the school gates. The faint outline against the gates became clearer, until I could effectively make out Haruhi in the dim light.

"…"

"Yo, Haruhi…"

"… oh, it's you Kyon. Eh? What happened to Mikuru-chan?"

"I- erm… tripped and um-… hurt my foot."

"Are you alright?"

"Um- yes, I'm…"

Haruhi then smacked my head.

"What was that for?!"

"Idiot! How could you let harm befall the SOS Brigade's mascot character? You bring disgrace to our club!"

Pushing away my desire to punch her back, I set Asahina-san down.

"Are you alright?"

"Um, yes… I- erm… my foot feels okay now…"

"That's good…"

* * *

For a brief moment, silence filled the air. We looked out at the school's fields. I recalled memories of this location when Haruhi spoke up.

"… you know, when you were walking over here, you reminded me of a person I met four years ago."

"_Oh? This is the first time I heard of something like this from you."_

"Yeah, he was carrying his little sister just like you were carrying Mikuru-chan."

_How coincidental!_

"He was the reason I decided to go to North High too."

_No way!_

"He didn't disregard the ideas of aliens, time travelers, espers, and sliders when I asked him either."

_Oh… I see. _

"Yeah… he was really weird, now that I think about it."

Another moment of silence followed. My phone's ringtone then pierced the air a few seconds later. Hearing my sister on the other end, she informed me that I was going to be in trouble if I didn't get home soon.

"I have to go…"

"Okay…"

"Oh, right. That reminds me… I got you a gift."

I handed both Asahina-san and Haruhi a small box of chocolates. Asahina-san smiled, gratefully accepting it. Haruhi on the other hand…

"This is your gift? What sort of joke is this."

Pulling the card from my pocket, I handed it to Haruhi.

"Open it when you get home. That's the real gift."

"Huh?"

"… yeah, just do it. Good night."

I left the two girls, walking back home. Dammit, this is going to be a long walk. I should have brought my bike.

* * *

Snore.

Ring, ring.

_Ugh… huh? Who would be calling in the middle of the night?_

I looked at the caller ID of my cell phone.

**Haruhi.**

_Oh great… this should be good._

I answered the phone, half asleep.

"Kyon? Where did you get that card?"

"Hunh? I don't know… uhh, some store owner? He asked if I went to North High."

"Hmm?"

"Yeah, said someone told me to give it to you, as both his and my White Day present. To give it to a special girl of some sort."

"Oh… o-okay then."

"Is that all?"

"Yeah… that's all."

"K… night."

* * *

_**Keep searching._

_John Smith.**_

_

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	4. Lost in Gray Skies

**Lost**

_Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own._

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There stands no legitimate reason for me to actually support the SOS Brigade other than that I'd be bored otherwise, and that Haruhi would destroy the world. All the more reason to _not_ be apart of the SOS Brigade.

Tossing my textbook aside – I'd fail the upcoming exams anyways – I laid back on my bed. I didn't fight the coming heaviness of my eyes. In this mid-spring night, it was serene. Peaceful.

Exhaustion took over and did the rest.

* * *

Amidst my snoring, I found myself to be quite awake in the dull gray darkness of my room.

Wait, that doesn't make sense… how can I be snoring and awake (and not the obvious "I'm faking it" deal)?

Yet another thing seemed to be out of place – sounds echoed in a normally terrible acoustic-filled room.

I suddenly sat up quickly.

Sound echoing? Gray atmosphere?

I attempted to stand up. Feeling no immediate friction against my bed's covers, my mind grew even more confused.

I looked around, noting that I was indeed in my own room. I turned back towards my bed and saw something that may have scared my own soul from the shell of my body…

If I wasn't staring at the shell of my own body.

A drooling me was hysterically hugging his pillow, asleep.

_Where the hell am I? _

I turned and immediately looked out the window. Everything was a dull shade of gray, and things seemed to be abandoned. No street lights, no movement, nothing.

Was this Closed Space?

If so, why can I see my own body?

* * *

After what seemed like hours of silence (my head teeming full with questions), I stood up. Not that I actually felt the floor… I was surprisingly weightless, and didn't feel any contact with any solid object.

I waved my hands in front of my eyes. They were glowing a faint blue.

_What the hell is going on here?!_

My answer, came in two forms.

The first, and most abnormal, was the sight of Haruhi running across my front yard. Only she wasn't the Haruhi from North High. No… she was the one who I had met when I traveled back in time at Tanabata.

Little Haruhi Suzumiya from East Junior High, four years ago.

Moreover, she didn't seem to be confused about the Closed Space but acted as though nothing was wrong. As if she was still a part of the real world, and the barrier of Closed Space was a window which only I could see through.

I tried giving a shout, but alas no voice rang out. I should have known.

The second answer came from my faint, incandescent blue glow. As I tried yelling towards Haruhi, I grew brighter.

* * *

In Closed Space, only two things "glow".

Celestials and espers.

To the best of my knowledge, only one of them glow "blue".

Celestials.

* * *

Either I was the abomination that wreaked havoc on buildings, or I had suddenly become a new breed of esper. I had no way of confirming either of those.

If there was ever a time I needed the SOS Brigade, it was now.

Nagato would indefinitely explain the events occurring. In the real world, at least…

Koizumi would have knowledge as to why I'm in Closed Space, outside of my body.

Asahina-san would know why I'm looking at Haruhi from four years ago.

My solution hadn't come for several more hours. During those hours, I simply stared at Haruhi, unable to communicate with her. She seemed to be finishing the activities of her day, and I was the only one with a first-row seat of watching her.

Then I saw it.

* * *

I originally dismissed it as a firefly, but then returned my gaze towards it.

Fireflies aren't red. That means that Koizumi has entered…

_Finally! I can get some answers here._

I took a step outside, patiently waiting for the glowing red light to get bigger. As soon as it came within earshot, I made an attempt to speak.

"…"

Dammit, why does some form of torment always befall me? I still can't talk!

The esper's shape became steadily more recognizable. Yep, it was Koizumi alright. His form was easily no other – he wasn't the extreme ball of red, fiery mist.

* * *

I gave a wave to him as he walked towards me. His voice was lowered as he spoke to himself, almost annoyed.

"Suzumiya-san, you must keep your emotions at bay. I'm becoming quite annoyed that you randomly create a Closed Space at 2 in the morning."

Yep… he's annoyed.

Hey Koizumi! Mind telling me what's goi- OW!

Koizumi had just attacked, slicing my arm clean off.

_What the hell! I'll be damned if I know why, but really? Koizumi is attacking me?_

* * *

No blood. Okay, well that's a bright side of this situation. Not that I'm trying to be an optimist here.

I tried once again to speak up. No sound came from me.

Wait, Koizumi! Stop!

He attacked once more, inflicting more pain. Thankfully, no dismemberment came about this time.

Hey! That hurts!

* * *

My remaining arm slowly made its way to my forehead. I rubbed my head in confusion, trying to process what was happening.

_I'm in a Closed Space._

_I can see Haruhi Suzumiya from four years ago. I can also see myself snoring in my own room._

_I'm glowing blue._

_Celestials glow blue._

_Koizumi is glowing red. And he's annoyed._

None of this exactly spelled out what was happening, though I could get an idea.

_I'm a Celestial now?_

* * *

Koizumi unleashed a barrage of cutting attacks, which slowly scraped off bits and pieces of my ghostly aura.

Having naught but a leg, an arm, my head, and the main torso of my body, I collapsed to the ground.

Koizumi muttered to himself once more. "Hmm… quite strange that this Celestial is putting up no fight. And the size is much different compared to normal."

Yeah, that's right… because I'M NOT A CELESTIAL!

"Whatever. I'll make quick work of this and return home. Maybe I'll get some sleep…"

_Dammit! Koizumi… if I get out of here, I'm going to severely hurt you._

He gave a slight smile as he slashed the remaining parts of me to bits.

* * *

"…"

"Kyon. You seem to be in a bad mood."

Thanks, Captain Obvious. I didn't sleep well, no thanks to you.

"Oh? I don't believe I had anything to do with disturbing your sleeping patterns, though forgive me if I did."

Tch. Yeah. Whatever.

"May I inquire as to how I've disturbed you last night?"

"Around 2 AM this morning, did you come across a Closed Space?"

"I don't follow. Closed Space has signifi-"

"Answer the question."

"… well, yes. I did."

He flashed his annoying smile at me.

I returned the favor by throwing every book the clubroom contained (hardbacks, no less) at him.


	5. Second Mascot

**Second Mascot**

_Disclaimer: Do Not Own. Period. Don't sue._

* * *

"…"

I stood frozen. There shouldn't be a reason to explain.

"Alright Koizumi-san! I leave Kyonko in your care."

"Of course…"

Don't encourage him!

* * *

The all-too-familiar sound of the door being locked shut ended any further thoughts of arguing with Haruki.

Suzumiya Haruki had gotten me another ridiculous cosplay costume. And worse, I couldn't say anything against it. Otherwise Asahina-sempai would become the victim of another costume. I should have known Haruki would try something like this...

"Ara ara… how cute."

Shut up. As if you actually thought that.

"Ah, but could you be mistaken?"

Not in the slightest.

She simply smiled back in response.

* * *

Just as Koizumi finished tying a bow in my hair, Haruki knocked on the door. Itsuko proceeded to open the door.

"Not bad..."

I really hate him.

"But you still need to act the part. Nothing a little training can't solve."

What?

My self-confidence levels suddenly dropped to an all time low.

He quickly attached a leash to the collar around my neck.

I was dressed as a catgirl.

Why me?

* * *

**A/N:** Fanservice much?

O(^.^)o


	6. Everybody Clap Your Hands!

**Everybody Clap Your Hands!**

_Disclaimer: While material is borrowed from an actual work, it has been heavily changed. Nothing in here implies copyright infringement._

_

* * *

_

Applause met my ears. Rather, something can barely be considered as applause coming from an audience of three people.

**~*~*~*~**

Confused?

The SOS Brigade has just finished putting on a show. Our performance consisted of a terrible sounding band with an electric guitar, harmonica, wooden recorder, castanets, and a tambourine. Our fans? Taniguchi, Kunikida, and Tsuruya-san.

I believe the loose ends are tied up here.

**~*~*~*~**

"Yahoo!"

"Well, that certainly was something..."

"Unique"

"Eh? W-was it good?"

"That was megase awesome!"

"That was um... weird?"

"SMOKED CHEESE!"

"... ugh."

… so our performance "stunk" that much, eh Taniguchi?

Ah… I don't blame you.

* * *

**A/N - O(^^)o KIRBY:** Those of you that have watched the Skit from Suzumiya Haruhi no Gekisou will understand this in part. If you haven't watched it, (which I suggest you do, it doesn't take that long to find), you will still find a random skit involving the actual cast of Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu... which has humor embedded inside (regardless of the language barrier, you'll pick up certain parts).

While you are at it, I recommend watching the Gekisou concert in its entirety as well. Very awesome. Give you a new appreciation for the voice actors and the series.


	7. Sweepstakes

**Sweepstakes**

_Disclaimer: Don't sue me. I don't infringe anyone. I just make up random stuff._

* * *

I've always wanted to enter one of those contests… you know, the ones where you submit your name, address, phone number and get an awesome prize? I believe they are called sweepstakes? Anyways, I've always had a desire to enter one of those. And WIN one as well. Of course, the chances of that happening aren't at all likely. I mean, the probability of me winning a contest with thousands of other people entering as well is… well, thousands to one.

Still, it's just one of those feelings. So I decided to try my hand. I bought a magazine at some convenience store. A lesser known magazine, not one of those big tabloid type ones. Incidentally, there was a contest entry form on the first few pages.

Enter now for a chance to meet one of our model girls!

Eh, what the heck… why not? My parents probably wouldn't care at all. And it's not like this is anything gravure or whatever, so I'm not doing anything bad. I filled out the form, mailed it, and waited three weeks.

* * *

Three weeks later.

"Kyon-kun, denwa…"

That was the sound I woke up to on my day off of school. And off of the SOS Brigade. Haruhi hadn't called one of those city-wide searches because she had something 'personal to do'. Fine by me.

I took the phone from my sister and put the receiver end to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi, yes… is this Kyon?"

"… uh, yeah."

"Congratulations. I'm the spokesman for J-Simple Magazine. We're calling about the contest two weeks ago? I'm pleased to inform you that you won! You'll be meeting one of our freelance model girls today. Do you have a pen and paper? I'll give you the time and place of where to meet her."

"Yeah sure."

I wrote down the location and time and thanked the spokesperson.

"Wow… I won."

Did I really write my stupid nickname on the entry form?

* * *

I pedaled my way to Kitaguchi Station to meet my date. Could I actually call it a date? It's not like I knew the girl, or was even interested for that matter. I just entered on the spur of the moment.

Whatever.

To my surprise, I saw Haruhi there, sitting on a bench like she was waiting for someone. Was she going to go on a city-wide search by herself? No, she wouldn't be sitting there, she'd have already gone. It's not like the others were coming along either. She's waiting for someone.

Could it be she's on a date? That would explain the cancellation of our normally scheduled searches. But why would she go on a date? I thought she wasn't into that sort of thing. Don't tell me she found an alien?

I walked up to her and plopped on the bench next to her. "Funny seeing you here."

"… what are you doing here?"

I asked you first.

"If you must know, I'm here on official business."

For what, the SOS Brigade? Then why did you cancel our normal meetings?

"Not the SOS Brigade, you idiot."

Then what?

"J-Simple Magazine. I work there part time, and they sent me on some blind date."

"…"

D'oh!


End file.
